Skinny Bastard. Chapter 8. No Girls Allowed.

Hypertension and Heart Disease.Man’s Worst Enemy.

We pity you men, we do. We know that we women are impossible to please; we can nag like nobody’s business; and no matter how much times change or how much the gender equality gap closes, men still feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. You’re “selfish,” “you don’t make enough money,” “you work too much,” “you don’t spend enough time with the kids,” “you aren’t romantic enough,” “you care more about golf than me,” blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It’s challenging not to let life (and your wife) get to you. But you really need to figure out how to be more Zen—stress is a definite factor in causing high blood pressure. There are other contributors, too, like alcohol, poor nutrition, poor fitness, and Type A personality traits. Just so we’re all on the same page, here’s how it works: “Doctors measure blood pressure using two numbers, such as 120/80. The first number shows the surge of pressure in the arteries with every beat, and the second number shows the pressure between beats.” If either one of those numbers is too high, it’s bad news bears. High blood pressure is known as “the silent killer” because approximately 40 percent of Americans who have it go undiagnosed. Some early warning signs may include fainting, dizziness, blurry vision, ringing in the ears, nosebleeds, flushing of the face, headaches (especially in the morning), and tension when there is no cause. If you do suffer from high blood pressure, the good news is that 85 percent of all cases can be reversed, just through changes in diet and lifestyle. (For starters, lay off the salt and high-sodium foods. FYI: canned food is notorious for being high in sodium.) If you don’t get a handle on it, high blood pressure will lead to heart disease.

Heart disease is the deadliest killer in the United States, nabbing one out of three Americans. And while it’s killing both sexes, annually, thousands more men die of heart disease than women, and at a younger age. One of the reasons heart disease is so pervasive is that two-thirds of Americans are overweight. Smoking and drinking are also contributors, of course. Yes, heart disease can also be hereditary, but only about 5 percent of the population has a true genetic disposition. So quit blaming bad genes.

Instead, blame your high cholesterol, which is of your own doing.

Cholesterol, a waxy substance, is an essential component of the membrane that coats all our cells. It’s also the basic ingredient of our sex hormones. So you get why we need it, and thankfully, our bodies produce it. What we don’t need is to consume foods that have cholesterol in them, because they tend to raise our bad cholesterol.

And it just so happens that the foods that have cholesterol in them are animal-based foods (meat, chicken, fish, eggs, dairy). So if you thought “lean cuts” were low in cholesterol, think again—the cholesterol is mainly in the lean portion. And if you thought chicken was “health food,” think again—chicken has as much cholesterol as beef. Whether it’s beef or chicken, four ounces means 100 milligrams of cholesterol! When you have “high cholesterol,” the waxy substance can build up on the walls of the arteries. Eventually, the arteries get clogged. Think about your body for a moment. Think about how your arteries are blood vessels, responsible for supplying oxygen and nutrients to your entire body. Now imagine your arteries being clogged up so that your healthy, nutrient-rich, oxygenated blood cannot freely flow throughout your body. Imagine all the toxic gunk and junk that gets formed and that starts circulating through your body. Are you able to see how little by little, slowly but surely, you’re doing an incredible amount of damage to yourself? When the sludge builds up to the point that it blocks a blood vessel to the heart, it’s a heart attack, and when it blocks a blood vessel to the brain, it’s a stroke. You’re sabotaging your whole body, your overall health and vitality, and your life. P. S. High cholesterol also means a higher likelihood of impotence, so you’re also jeopardizing your Johnson!

Don’t Mess with Diabetes.

Not only are obesity and heart disease on the rise, but so is diabetes, affecting 1 out of 13 Americans (with that ratio continuing to increase). According to Dr. Campbell, “Both diabetes and obesity are merely symptoms of poor health in general. They rarely exist in isolation of other diseases and often forecast deeper, more serious health problems, such as heart disease, cancer, and stroke. Two of the most frightening statistics show that diabetes among people in their thirties has increased 70 percent in less than ten years and the percentage of obese people has nearly doubled in the past thirty years.” Both are diet related. You do not want to mess with diabetes. It can cause stroke, heart disease, kidney disease, gum disease (which can lead to tooth loss), damage to the nervous system, blindness, and amputation. Maybe that burger or chicken sandwich tastes good, but good enough to give up your sight or your leg? If you already have diabetes, don’t despair. One of the most prominent scientists in the field of diet and diabetes is Dr. James Anderson. One of his studies included fifty people with diabetes—twenty-five who were Type 1 and twenty-five who were Type 2. (Type 1s cannot produce adequate insulin to manage the transport and distribution of glucose, Type 2s can produce insulin, but their insulin doesn’t work properly.) All of the people in the study were using insulin and none were overweight.

After three weeks of Dr. Anderson’s experimental “veggie” diet (mostly whole plant foods and the equivalent of only a cold cut or two a day), the results were staggering. Not only did their cholesterol levels drop 30 percent, the Type 1s were also able to reduce their insulin intake by an average of 40 percent! The Type 2s had even better results: twenty-four out of the twenty-five were able to stop taking insulin in a matter of weeks! All because they changed their diets!

Smoking, drinking, being sedentary, and eating a shitty diet of meat, dairy, and processed foods will eventually catch up to you. It’s not like breaking your arm, where you feel the effects right away. It’s cumulative, and you may not know how much damage you’re doing until you get some scary news from your doctor. So don’t wait to get diagnosed with a deadly disease.

Size Matters.

The prostate, a small organ about the size of a walnut, is responsible for producing some of your seminal fluid. And in this instance, bigger is not better—an enlarged prostate could mean trouble. The last thing you want to hear is that you have prostate cancer, especially when you could’ve easily prevented it—diet plays a key role in the disease. A 2001 Harvard review of multiple studies clearly states that dairy “is one of the most consistent dietary predictors for prostate cancer.” Men who consume high amounts of dairy increase their risk for prostate cancer by a whopping 70 percent! Most dairy products are high in fat, which affects the sex hormones that can cause cancer. But the fat-free bullshit is no better. According to an article in Alternative Medicine Reviews, worldwide, prostate cancer is more closely linked to nonfat dairy products than any other food. A different review of twenty-three studies revealed, “animal protein, meats, dairy products and eggs have frequently been associated with a higher risk of prostate cancer . . .” Here’s one way it happens: We all have this hormone in our bodies, Insulin-like Growth Factor 1 (IGF-1). Under normal conditions, IGF-1 keeps our cells reproducing at a healthy rate and helps rid our bodies of old cells. It’s this healthy growing of new cells and discarding of old cells that keep us cancer-free. But when we eat meat and dairy, our IGF-1 level increases, disturbing the balance of new cell growth and old cell removal, leading to . . . ca-ca-ca-cancer. Not only is IGF-1 naturally present in our bodies, but it’s also present in dairy products. No wonder men who consume dairy regularly have increased levels of IGF-1 in their bodies. A recent study comparing men’s IGF-1 levels showed those who tested highest to be at four times the risk for prostate cancer than those who tested lowest. There are other studies linking the high amount of calcium in dairy with having a negative impact on the body’s vitamin D situation (which is thought to provide protection against prostate cancer).

Another possible cause of prostate cancer is the high amount of environmental toxins (pesticides, industrial pollutants, etc.) present in dairy and meat. Or, it could be the cooking of these foods. All foods that are broiled or fried contain mutagens, chemicals that can do cellular damage. But animal foods have far more mutagens than similarly cooked plant foods.

Dr. William Castelli, director of the Framingham Health Study (the longest-running study of diet and heart disease in the world), said, “Vegetarians have the best diet; they have the lowest rates of coronary heart disease of any group in the country.” Of his groundbreaking work/book, The China Study, the most comprehensive study of diet and disease in medical history, Dr. Colin Campbell said, “People who ate the most animal-based foods got the most chronic disease. Even relatively small intakes of animal-based foods were associated with adverse effects. People who ate the most plant-based foods were the healthiest and tended to avoid chronic disease.” So there you have it. Abstaining from animal foods will do you a world of good—for prevention of high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, diabetes, and cancer. But you’ve got to eat plant foods, too— for prevention of high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, diabetes, and cancer. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and legumes can dramatically reduce risk of heart disease; protect against cancer, stop cancer, and reverse cancer; and neutralize the free radicals.

Plant foods are like friggin’ magic. Seriously. Men with low levels of beta-carotene have a 45 percent increased risk for prostate cancer.

So eating apricots, carrots, sweet potatoes, and yams can reduce risk. Men who eat lycopene-rich foods (tomatoes are the best source) have a 45 percent reduced risk for getting prostate cancer!

(Don’t try to cheat the system by taking some lycopene supplement.

Studies aren’t conclusive if supplements are as beneficial as getting lycopene from food sources. In our opinion, you can’t trick Mother Nature.) Eating cruciferous veggies like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and kale reduces risk by 41 percent! No wonder vegetarian men have low rates of prostate cancer! The lucky fellas who were raised vegetarian have the lowest risk of all.

Strap on a Pair.

Yes, women want men to be sensitive and in touch with their feminine sides. But we still want you to be friggin’ men, so you better be sure you’re producing the right amount of testosterone. Not only is testosterone responsible for your muscles, manly voice, and facial and body hair, but it’s also key for your sex drive, sperm production, and sexual function. Some possible symptoms of low testosterone levels can include fatigue, depression, irritability (hey, bitch), reduced strength, reduced muscle mass, low sex drive, and erectile dysfunction. If you lost your woody during sex last week, don’t go jumping off a bridge. Shit happens, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you have low testosterone. But if you think your testes may be in troubs, there a few easy, safe, natural ways to get your nads back on track. For starters, lose some weight, bub. Researchers found that going from non-obese to obese can cause a testosterone-reduction equal to ten years of aging.

Oy vey. Significant extra poundage not only causes a decrease in testosterone, but it can also cause an increase in estrogen. (Hey, man-boobs.) But don’t freak out and try to lose fifty pounds overnight.

If you start exercising too much and eating too little, your body will think it’s starving and will stop producing testosterone. Talk about counterproductive. Definitely exercise, though. Cardio, which is good for weight loss and your heart, can also help reduce stress. And stress can cause cortisol (stress hormone) levels to surge, hampering your testosterone production. So move it, mister! And while you’re at it, hit the racks. Regular weight lifting will not only give you manly muscles, but it’s also been shown to dramatically increase testosterone levels. Some studies have suggested that doing multi-joint exercises that work large muscle groups (squats, dead-lifts, bench presses, etc.) are better testosterone boosters than single-joint, small muscle exercises. Regardless of what you do, don’t overdo it! Research has shown that overtraining can reduce testosterone. (Kinda makes you wonder about all those freaky muscle-heads . . . little pee-pees?) Be sure to eat a well-balanced diet, too. A Penn State study revealed that a high-protein/low-carb diet can have a negative impact on testosterone levels. (Surprise, surprise.) So, of course, load up on fruits, veggies, whole grains, and legumes, and make sure you’re also getting enough healthy fats from nuts, seeds, and avocados. According to research, men who eat healthy, monounsaturated fats have hearty levels of testosterone. And do your best to eat organic. Pesticides have been linked to a decline in testosterone. One interesting study found that a group of organic farmers had sperm counts twice as high as men in a control group of blue-collar workers, suggesting organic foods may be good for your boys.

Locker Room Talk.

So clearly, you want to make sure you do what you need to do to keep your hormones in check. That way, you’ll keep your man-glue in check. Men who booze excessively or do drugs (yes, pot is a drug) can have compromised sperm count and quality. Men who let their junk get too heated too often are also at risk. Hot baths and spa-use shouldn’t be excessive, and you really shouldn’t work with your laptop on your lap. All can affect your jis, as can wearing underwear that’s too tight. So swap out your little girl bikini panties for some boxers or others loose-fitting numbers. FYI: Not only does smoking affect your sperm, but it also affects your virility. Almost two-thirds of impotent men smoke. And get this: Studies have shown that the number of ciggies smoked is directly proportional to the blood flow decrease in the cockadoodledo. Crazy! (But not really—it makes perfect sense.) So quit smoking, stupid! It’s messing with your stick! If you do discover that you have spastic sperm even after quitting smoking, eating well, exercising, and avoiding having your balls scorched, try acupuncture.

It’s been shown to have a positive impact on sperm count, shape, and movement.

Tangy Taste Test?

By the way, since we’re already talking about all your private business, it just has to be said: You are what you eat. Meaning, your diet and lifestyle affect the smell and taste of your man juice. Think about it. Unhealthy people who smoke and eat crap and drink coffee tend to have smelly body odor, shitty breath, and foul-stinking piss. Why would their other secretions be any different? (BTW: Vegans typically have better breath than meat-eaters. The digestion of animal protein creates a bacterial environment, which is not so fresh-smelling.) Only about one percent of what you unload is sperm, which you wouldn’t really expect to have a certain smell. But as for the other 99 percent, what do you think would make it smell good? Beer? Coffee?

Processed, chemical, fake foods? The rotting, decomposing, putrefying carcass of a slaughtered animal? Nasty-ass curdled milk or cheese? Grooooooooooss! If you don’t believe that diet affects your spooge, play our thirty-day goo game. Today, having eaten the way you normally do, do the deed, and then smell your stuff. Funky gunk, right? For the next thirty days, eat a pure, healthy diet like we prescribe in this book. At the end of the month, whack and sniff. Your love nectar’s scent will be so much better, you’ll likely be tempted to taste it!

Move It!.

Exercise can dramatically reduce risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, prostate cancer, obesity, stroke, diabetes, memory loss, colon cancer, fractures, depression, and erectile dysfunction.

And you don’t have to become an Ironman to reap the benefits. One study of more than 15,000 men found that “the risk of death is cut in half with an exercise capacity that can easily be achieved by a brisk walk of about 30 minutes per session five to six days per week.” Of course you should consult your doctor before beginning any exercise regimen, but especially if you’re about to turn into one of those crazy, bodybuilding freaks. The human body, when treated well, can function like a perfect machine. So first and foremost, be honest with yourself about what kind of machine you are. Some men are designed to be diesel mo’fos; others, to run like the wind; and others, to just be fit and healthy. While we clearly live in a society that is obsessed with looks, do your best to aim for fitness goals, and not appearance goals. That way, you will be working smart, doing good for your body, and enjoying the process. And of course, it is likely your body will look better, too. But all of us (even men) have skewed perceptions of how we look. So don’t allow your desire to look a certain way drive your efforts. Aim to get strong and healthy and fit from the inside out. Yes, our culture idolizes athletes, but these sports gods really aren’t all that enviable. Their bodies take tremendous abuse, and they suffer lifetimes of chronic pain and problems as a result. Training at such high levels is a huge stressor and can often be very physically damaging.

So now that you’re ready to exercise at a healthy level, here’s what you need to know: Drink a shitload of water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone knows that water is clutch, but do you really do a good job of staying hydrated? It’s bad when you don’t drink enough water in real life, but it’s even worse when you don’t drink enough during exercise. Not only is it vital for proper organ function, but it’s also imperative for cardiovascular health, body temperature maintenance, muscle function, and for staving off muscle cramps, fatigue, dizziness, heat stroke, and heat exhaustion. Start hydrating two to three hours before exercise, with about 15–20 ounces of water; then, fifteen minutes before exercise, have about 8 ounces more. (But don’t chug it all at once— you’ll get bloated.) And of course, make sure to continue drinking while you’re exercising. You don’t have to take big swigs in the middle of your workout and give yourself a stomach cramp, but you want to be consciously hydrating. Approximately 8 ounces every fifteen minutes during exercise should do the trick. But because each person’s weight, exercise level, and sweat output are different, there’s no perfect water prescription that applies to everyone. However, there are two good ways to gauge your own water needs. First off, take a look at your piss. If there’s a lot of it, it’s light in color, and it’s diluted-looking, good job. If it’s a scant amount, dark in color, and it looks concentrated, you’re not drinking enough. Second, weigh yourself just before and after exercising. Immediate weight loss is likely water weight, so you need to be drinking more. For every pound lost, try to replenish with 20–24 ounces of water.

But be careful not to drown yourself in an effort to stay hydrated.

There’s a condition called hyponatremia, also known as water intoxication. When the body loses too much sodium, drinking plain water can even further dilute sodium levels. It’s in these cases of extreme, high intensity exercise and perspiration that sports drinks may come in handy. But just so you know, a lot of them are crap. If you eat a well-balanced diet; stay hydrated before, during and after workouts; and don’t exercise for more than sixty minutes at a high intensity, you should be fine without a sports drink. However, if you’re working out like a fiend and you do need to replenish electrolytes, choose a sports drink that doesn’t have artificial flavors, artificial colors, artificial sweeteners, or caffeine. None of those serve your health.

Eating for Action.

At this point in the book, you should know that a vegan diet is the healthiest way to go. And that if you’re just a regular guy who wants to eat well, be healthy, go the gym, and look good, you just need to eat a well-balanced vegan diet and all your butch dreams can come true.

You should also know that veganism allows you to be an ass-kicking warrior, whatever your sport of choice. Veganism does not translate to men in Birkenstocks wearing patchouli, weighing ten pounds, and talking about their feelings. (Of course we do have a few of those, much to the chagrin of all the vegan women.) Go back and read the list of all the veggie jocks we mentioned earlier—athletes at the top of their games who are tough-ass sons of bitches. Those guys are beasts, and you can be, too. There are a few good books on the subject of veggie athleticism and training, so go get one for a more detailed overview.

But here’s a tiny, little peek into the lives of veggie athletes: For starters, they frickin’ love carbs. Years of solid research have shown the benefits of plant-based, high-carb diets for athletic performance.

Studies consistently show that at about the same time that glycogen stores get low, fatigue sets in. Because high-carb diets maximize liver and glycogen stores, endurance and energy levels are optimized, which means decreased risk of muscleand whole-body fatigue; increased stamina; and increased energy reserves for that final sprint, tackle, pin, hit, basket, or goal. Complex carbs also help prevent dehydration, since they absorb water. Just a reminder, complex carbs are fruits, veggies, whole grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds. Admittedly, sometimes the “bulkiness” of complex carbs right before a race can cause gas, bloating, and pooping at inopportune times. So if you’re a marathoner or other serious competitor, you’ll have to experiment with your diet and timing. But know that according to the American Dietetic Association, the Canadian Dietetic Association, and Dieticians of Canada, for physical fitness and athletic performance, approximately 60–70 percent of your calories should come from carbs.

But that doesn’t mean you should forsake fat. Fat is important for everyday civilians and athletes. Yes, fat can make you fat if you just eat tons of fat and sit around being fat. But fat is a major energy resource (especially for distance events); the source of essential fatty acids (EFAs); and a carrier of vitamins, minerals, and phytochemcials.

While there’s no substitute for carbs, the body can store far more energy as fat than as glycogen—both within muscle cells and around the body’s cells. The flab stored within your muscles is readily available for aerobic activity. We constantly need to replenish our carb stores, but our fat stores are always there for the using. And the best sources for healthy, unsaturated fats are avocados, olives, raw nuts, raw seeds, raw nut butters, flax seed oil, hemp seed oil, and extra-virgin olive oil—all organic, of course. (If you have heart disease or it runs in your family, you may need to skip the oils altogether; check with your cardiologist. Actually, since he or she literally may not know shit about diet, read Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn’s book Preventing and Reversing Heart Disease first, then talk to your doctor. Dr. Esselstyn’s work is revolutionary, mind-blowing, and life altering.) Before we talk about protein, we want to remind you, again, that it’s not the end-all, be-all—so keep it in your pants. Yes, people who are active may need more protein than couch potatoes. Yes, protein is an integral energy source and it’s imperative for muscle tissue growth, maintenance, and repair. Yes, it can be damaging to your muscles if you don’t get adequate protein. That said, the general recommendation for protein intake for vegan athletes is about 12–15 percent. Of course, that percentage can go up or down, considering caloric intake, energy output, and fitness activities and goals. Now just so we’re clear, when we say the recommended amount for “athletes,” we mean those who are training intensely for eight to forty hours a week, especially if you’re starting a new regimen or if it’s the beginning of the season. These recommended amounts are not for fitness enthusiasts or guys who are just recreationally active. Again, this is a general book about health and diet, so if you want to get all cuckoo for calories, fat, and protein and start training for an Ironman, there are much better books to help guide you on that journey. But know that it is possible to get too much protein (even if you’re a vegan) if you start supplementing with all those protein powders. Remember, high intensity activities can take a lot out of you, whether you’re a meat-eater or vegan. So if you need astronomical amounts of protein just to survive those feats, perhaps you should reconsider. Plus, drinking some grittyass shake is hardly as fun as pigging out. Some high protein foods include nuts, beans, quinoa (a grain), seitan (a “meat” made from wheat), tofu, veggie burgers, and tempeh (fermented soy).

It’s a funny thing, this eating for fitness. All the plant foods we keep mentioning not only have the good fat, protein, and carbs you need, but they’re also good sources for vitamins and minerals. As an athlete, you may need to supplement (talk to your doctor), but don’t get all performance-focused on us. These aren’t for performance-enhancing purposes, they’re for your health and protection. Studies have suggested that athletes may require increased vitamin C, which is especially important for connective tissue. The B vitamins help metabolize energy, process amino acids, and synthesize new cells. For a vegan, B-12 is always an important one to stay on top of. And as a general precaution, it’s good to investigate your vitamin D situation and make sure you’re up to snuff.

Vegan or not, low iron is the most common deficiency issue for athletes, so be sure you’re getting enough. (Eating iron-rich foods with vitamin C-rich foods helps with absorption.) Because too much iron can be damaging, have your levels checked before deciding whether to pop a pill. Calcium levels can be compromised in some athletes due to poor dietary intake and intense training—calcium gets used during muscle contractions. Vegan athletes usually do okay because they consume calcium-rich foods and fortified soyand rice milks; however, you may need to up your intake depending on your workout. You certainly don’t want to be sidelined by fractures, muscle problems, or nerve issues.

Zinc is important for tissue repair, but can be depleted through urine and sweat. But vegans who eat legumes, nuts, seeds, and whole grains on a daily basis should be fine.

So whether you want to get a little buff, crazy jacked-up, or just plain healthy, eating a well-balanced vegan diet of whole plant foods makes it all possible. You’ll see and feel the difference when you try it for yourself.

After that, if you still don’t get it, we give up. Just go be a dumb jock somewhere.