Skinny Bastards. Chapter 13. FYI.

Um, just ‘cause we wrote this book doesn’t mean we’re per fect. We like to pig out, loaf around, and tie one on from time to time. So if you see us eating junk food or doing beer bongs, don’t hold it against us—we’re human. For the most part, we take good care of ourselves, so when we do treat our bodies like shit, we don’t feel the least bit bad about it.

Yeah, eating onions and garlic makes your breath smell like someone took a shit down your throat. But they fight cancer and help detoxify your liver. So eat ‘em.

What’s all the drama surrounding hydrogenated oils? Manufacturers add hydrogen to monoor polyunsaturated fats (good fats) to change their consistency. The end result, trans-fatty acid (bad), is a more solid product with a longer shelf life. Margarines, cookies, cakes, doughnuts, potato chips, meat and dairy products, and shortening can contain hydrogenated oils. Trans-fatty acids can cause derangements of cell structure, accelerated aging, and a predisposition to diseases.

Think about it. They are literally altering a naturally occurring product’s molecular structure by adding hydrogen molecules to it.

Eating these chemically altered foods containing hydrogenated oils will increase your risk of heart disease. Sadly, heating oil at high temperatures also changes its natural molecular configuration and produces free-radicals. Free-radicals not only destroy essential fats and vitamins but also are linked with cancer and heart disease. This is why olive or peanut oils, which are healthy, can be very unhealthy in dishes like fried eggplant or French fries. Avoid eating fried foods (sniffle) and reusing heated oils. Never heat oil to the point where it is smoking. Cook with canola or coconut oil using low heat and for the shortest amount of time possible.

Don’t be a cheap asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah, organic produce is usually more expensive than conventional produce. But you spend countless dollars on stupid boy stuff, rent or mortgages, car payments, and other bullshit. Surely your health and body are more important than anything else in your life (you only get one body). Even if you are spending more on organic food, you’ll save money in the long run by preparing more meals and snacks at home—always cheaper than buying food on the fly. If you can afford it, organic is worth the extra money, and you should aim to have everything you eat be organic, but especially fruits or vegetables that you eat without peeling the skin.

Always buy organic blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, apples, and pears. Peanuts and peanut butter, too, because conventional ones are loaded with pesticides. Buying organic produce is the only way to guarantee you’re not eating genetically modified organisms. According to Food Additives: A Shopper’s Guide to What’s Safe & What’s Not, “genes are taken from one species of plant, animal, or virus and inserted into another species in order to produce a desirable trait, such as disease resistance or hardier crops. No one knows the long-term effects of eating genetically modified foods. Genetically modified foods are being sold now and they are not being labeled. Certified organic foods are the only foods guaranteed not to be genetically modified.” So do the best you can and buy organic food whenever it’s available. (But don’t be a neurotic freak when it’s not available.) Two or three times a day, every day for your entire life, you swallow trace amounts of toothpaste. What’s in it? Chemicals? Artificial sweeteners? Would you eat it? Read the ingredients. Buy natural.

The skin is the body’s largest organ. Every day, we slop all sorts of potions and lotions on ourselves and rub them into our skin. Ever read the ingredients of these products? Ever consider that you are putting chemicals directly onto your largest organ? Ever think about the pores all over your body and what you’re putting inside them? Hopefully, you will now. Buy natural products. What you put on your body is just as important as what you put in your body (because, in essence, what you put on your body will wind up in your body), especially on body parts you shave. Open pores do not want chemicals bulldozing through. Are your deodorant, shaving cream, cologne, and lotions safe?
Natural, unrefined Celtic sea salt (different from table salt) contains many essential minerals, enhances organ function, and neutralizes toxins. It also contributes to the hydration of our cells and organs.

Buy a food steamer. It will change your life.

Do yoga. Not only are you guaranteed to meet hot yoga bunnies, but it is also a kick-ass cardio workout that will strengthen, tone, and harden your muscles. Yoga is amazing for organ function, immune system strength, tackling insomnia, and improving overall health. You will love how it makes you look and feel. (Yes, real men do yoga.) All kidding aside, if everyone did yoga, we would have world peace.

Donate blood. You can save a life and lose weight at the same time.

Keep your eyes peeled for bad press regarding veganism. It’s usually planted by the industries that are threatened by the movement.

Don’t believe any of it. It’s all bogus bullshit. One study claimed that feeding children a vegan diet was tantamount to child abuse. It just so happens that the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association paid for the study. They had the gall to experiment on African children who were literally starving. These children were eating nothing but corn and beans in minuscule servings. When servings of meat were added to their diets, their health improved. Well, of course it did. They were fucking starving. This doesn’t prove that veganism is dangerous or unhealthy. It just shows that the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association will exploit starving, impoverished children to create bad press for veganism and boost its own meat sales. This is nothing short of a disgrace and an embarrassment to America.